This evening I had a dispute with Father B. Instead of giving in to his wishes and allowing him to remain in the dugout I lost my temper and said bitter things. This has humbled me very much, showing me how far I am from having to meek spirit of Christ and my unwillingness to be “walked on”. Jesus insists on these things: (1) that I must let him do whatever he likes with me, without even an interior complaint; (2) that I must give myself up absolutely into the hands of everybody to be trampled on; this means that, as far as possible, I must always do their will instead of my own; (3) that no matter how unfairly or unjustly I am treated, I must never complain or answer back, but meekly submit in silence; (4) that all criticism of others and of their actions must cease; (5) that I must never speak uncharitably of people nor tell them what they may have done. Jesus wishes me to be dirt, a worm, a doormat, to be kicked and walked on by everybody, so that pride may be stamped out of me.
COMMENT: It is not certain who Father B. is in this extract from Fr Willie’s private diaries. It would appear not to have been Fr Frank Browne as it seems the two did not meet until December 1916.
We find in this excerpt evidence of Fr Willie’s ongoing battle against his dominant defect. We don’t know the circumstances in which Fr Willie lost his temper, nor do we know the pressure he was under at the time, nor do we know how serious this loss of composure was. But we do know that he immediately repented and resolved to continue his fight to acquire virtue in this area. It is not the one who never falls who is the saint – we all fall in one way or another. But it is the one who keeps getting up, keeps persevering and trusting in God who will win the victory. Fr Willie kept up the battle to overcome his defects and grow in love for God and others right to the very end of his life.